how am i

some one asked me how are you...
i said i will answer through a blog. because the person who asked me the question would not be satisfied with words like fine, great, happy, awesome..... i am trying to remember the name of that someone... may be i will by the end of this muse i have.

my answer to that question could nothing be more than a smile filled with disgust, and a look filled with blazing fire.

words could only say,

"i know why you ask this question, i know where you come from, i know who you are. you come from my past.

you ask this question to mock at me. you ask this question to remind me how i look. you ask this question to torment me and prove that you always win.

you ask this question just to show how arrogant you can get and tease me taking advantage of things that will and can never be in my control... called fate....

you asked me this question, these questions so many times and every time i asked, you won, you tormented me, you were happy. you got your sadistic pleasures fulfilled.

but today, i will answer your question.

i want to let you know that i am happy, strong, ever than before. i grow up from my own mistakes and prefer living a life that makes me take decisions.

i know what i can do and i know what a reak intention means. i know what to do when you laugh at me.

i wanted to be a leader, holding guns and tearing hearts and you substantiated that thought of mine and fooled me to think it was my destiny. but you and I both of us forgot that destiny is not foolish. and it unfolded in the right time, which parted both of us.

it took me so much time to realise that you were the fooling cloud that masked my destiny.

you were the baggage i had to forego long back.

i still want to be a leader. not called one but be one. and i am sure i am one.

the fire in the heart is the same. the grit and determination in the intention is the same. i am finding ways unfold in front of me, and saying " this is where you are needed. prove your worth" and i am growing.... faster, stronger and better than ever.

i know where you come from, i know who you are. you are an epitome of my duped rosy past. you are from the times where challenges in life scared me.

i dont need you anymore. i hope you realise it by now.

nothing can be posessed forever, but hey, nothing can be lost forever,

let every one know who you are....

you are me, few years ago.

i am sorry we cant live together.

rest in peace and see me grow as a human being. and feel happy for having been a part of my life".

- lion heart

musings of a lion heart

Right. so, when many of my friends have found this new hobby and when those friends' uncles and senior ffriends have found this new activity to talk what they feel like, through an activity called blogging, i avoided it completely and successfully for almost 4 years now until today, the 24th of July 2010, when on a saturday which is a celebrated day in the whole of any 5 day week country, i find myself bored to the core and feel like one of those sedimentary stones that settled down after being kicked away from its birth place, carried by a turbulent flow and finally deposited in a place which is entirely alien, i thought, let me give it a try.

and so i start with two of my favourite words musings and lion heart.

the first thing i want to say to an MGIT ian is that musings is a word i loved long before i joined the college and it is just a coincidence that our college magazine is named musings. i feel i have all the rights to use that word before any one can call me a copy cat or anu malik (who always says he was inspired from western music).

and to those who want to know who lion heart is, am getting there. this is a word which i fell in love with after the media (the hindu i think it was) described mohammed kaif as a lion hearted fighter who saw india through to victory in the match against england, i dont remember the date and time of the match(could have done a bit of research though) but the point is no real cricketing fan would forget the match in which SAURAV GANGULY stripped his shirt and gestured at the whole of english cricket fans in the so called Mecca of cricket.

something made me feel so connected to the word lion heart that from then on, in every situation when i had to hold myself to go through someting or boost my morale in any situation, i used to call myself lion heart and bow to the majesty and the vigor the name carries and try and worked to live up to the name and saw a bit of a transformation in myself.

so, what do i write about.

well now that i call my blog musings, i would not prepare a script and post it here. and now that i muse about many things, i will write. and i am not one of those intellectual people or concerned citzens who blog about science and technology or contemporary social issues and economics and governence.

i will write my state of mind at that moment, i will write about the gyan i get in life, which happens suddenly only. i may write about contemporary social issues also but may be after everyone forgets the issue.

i will be satiric (oh and i feel sometimes that it is my way of life), sentimental, outrageous (probably), sensible (i hope) and non conclusive if not judgemental.

this blog is entirely dedicated to my girl (she will see some real confessions), and my friends (will try and write my thoughts of the relationship i share with each of them).

well so, i think that is it for introduction. more in the next blog. (no more intro stuff)

-sai vadlamani